How to Date

Many people ask the question, “How do you know the right person to marry?” The best way to choose a spouse is to date and date correctly; Dating needs to be intentional and thoughtful. The dating “Know-Quo” has three steps to follow. The first way to get to know somebody is to talk and each individual practices mutual self-disclosure. That is the fact of how fast each person can tell their secrets and it is a two sided process. Time is very valuable in getting to know somebody because a person can put on a fake mask for at least 3 months. Togetherness is ideal and that is the act of seeing how the candidate reacts in a variety of situations and doing all types of activities together. It is very important to look at all the qualities of the person and see if there are any red flags. It is good to never settle for less than what you want but also to have reasonable expectations because nobody is perfect. So what exactly is a date? A date is something that is planned, paid for, and paired off. If it is planned, that means that there is a starting as well as an ending time. When it is paid for, that means that in most cases, the guy treats the girl. This doesn’t necessarily mean that dates are about money but it simply means that everything is prepared for. Paired off means that there is either a one on one date or double date but not just hanging out. People act differently in front of roommates than if they were paired off. When they are paired off, they are responsible for each other and they make sure that the other person is the most important person at that time and they protect each other from feeling like the third wheel. It is important to develop good habits because these caring habits almost always stay throughout a whole marriage relationship. Dating is good practice and if someone cannot have commitment for a few hours on a date, it shows that they cannot commit to a relationship. In the proclamation, it mentions three p’s that men should follow. They should preside, provide, and protect. This goes perfectly with the three P’s of dating which is very interesting. When you find somebody to love, it is important to have all four types of love for them. There is a Godlike unconditional love, a romantic love, the natural instinct love, and the friendly brotherly love. They are all important and when they are combined together, that is what makes a true love. To develop a true love, one must date and court and try to fully understand who a person really is.

Environment Can Determine Homoexuality

The subject of homosexuality is a very controversial topic right now.  There has been much research on this subject and the media is able to take this research and twist it. Although no research has discovered a “gay gene” much of society believes there is one and people are simply born that way. Each individual has predispositions that might be expressed but much of the environment can modify those expressions. Many people proclaim to be gay just because of the environment they were raised in that shaped their thoughts and inklings. Homosexuality is not genetic. It is comprised of genetics, childhood environment, and personal choice. There are some boys or girls that may have more feminine or masculine qualities. If a child is seen in the middle, they are usually seen as the “third” gender. For example, if males are put off by their peers because they are more sensitive, caring, or creative, they tend to migrate to the girls because they may have more interests in common. When children start to become attracted to each other, they like the fact that the opposite sex is interesting and mysterious. When a boy had been secluded from his male peers, he might start to see them as the opposite but what he wanted all along was to be accepted and have intimacy. Intimacy is not sexual relations per say. It is the fact of being loved and cared for. Once this boy is separated, his peers may start to call him “gay”(even though they don’t necessarily know what it means) because in our society, it is not acceptable for males to be more feminine even though it is acceptable for a girl to be a tom-boy.  When boys are pounded everyday by their peers, they may test the waters and realize they had body stimulations toward males and now they believe they are “gay”. It is just because they were stimulated. This is absurd because even infants get stimulated in some way. Body stimulations should not be a defining factor of who anybody is. If a boy is sexually molested, they are four times as likely to be homosexual because they become confused about sexuality. Most people who proclaim sexuality had cruel fathers and overinvolved mothers. If a father formed a good relationship with his son, they will most likely not be homosexual. If the father spent time with his son even doing more feminine things, they will just turn out to be more feminine but straight men. It is so sad when boys are condoned for their feminine qualities because many qualities of the savior are kind, caring, and gentle. So many talents could have been developed in those children but society does not accept that and it is a shame. Most girls that proclaim lesbian had male relationships before but want to find satisfaction somewhere else. In almost all situations, it is a matter of intimacy and not sex. It is important for LDS members to go back to what they actually know. Heavenly Father made us and gave us a gender for a reason and none of us our broken. In my life, I have known homosexuals and I do not accept their lifestyle and it is a choice they make but I still love them because I try to love all of God’s children. Being homosexual is a behavior and it does not make the person who they are. I hope people will become aware of the matter that environment plays a huge role and in the end, it is the homosexual couple that will the most hurt if homosexuals marriages are allowed.

My Love for Mexican Culture

All around the world, people have their own cultures and traditions within the community and the family. This week I learned about latino culture and the struggles parents go through to help their children get ahead in life. There are many undocumented illegal Mexicans that live in the United States. One of the main reasons they come to United States is because parents want to help there children get ahead in this life. Usually the father comes to the states first to provide a foundation for the rest of the family to come over later. Mexicans focus most of their life on familism and they see family, including extended family, as the most important aspect of life. When the father leaves the home, family roles start to change and the mother usually takes charge. When they are reunited with the father in the U.S., children have a hard time adjusting to the new “boss” in the home. Latino families will continue to support the family through really hard struggles and adolescents will help bridge the culture gap with their parents by becoming bilingual. Parents support the children by working an average 12 hour days. In mexico, the family is traditional with a stay at home mom who is the nurturer and the father is the provider. It is a really tough transition having both parents working, due to higher standard of living in the U.S., and still trying to keep the family strong. The typical family may go three days without seeing each other due to conflicting schedules. One of the hardest things was to stop having family dinners. Since parents could not be as involved in the children’s lives, they seemed to get into more trouble and the parents become stricter than they were in Mexico. The adolescents report that they are lonely all the time and depressed because they focus on their past and how happy they were with all of their extended family and friends in Mexico. Adolescents see Americans as sad. They feel that Americans have money but no family. They see mexicans as happy because they are always around family and everyone genuinely cares for one another. They face much discrimination and people tell them to go back to Mexico. Due to the lack of knowledge of the language, they have a really difficult time learning the skills of their jobs but they sacrifice a lot of happiness just for their children. “They did not measure their success by their work. Success for parents meant helping their children get ahead.” Many children become Americanized and start questioning their parents (Which they dont do in Mexico out of respect) but they still keep their Mexican cultures and traditions. These traditions build the family identity and unity. These Mexican-Americans find U.S. culture and holidays interesting so they do keep and open mind and sometimes converge the two cultures. I do not fully agree with illegal immigration but I have a new love for the mexican people. Their whole lives are based on family relations and they typically keep the traditional family. They recognize the importance of certain roles in the family and that family time is vital to be happy. But most of all, the parents love their children so much that they would sacrifice anything for them. They gave up their home, their extended family, they are at risk for losing traditions, parents work long and physically demanding hours, family time is lost, and there is more to worry about with youth getting into trouble or trying to fight depression. Mexicans are strong people because they have solid family values and I completely love and respect what they stand for.

Family systems

When two people get married, they converge their own styles and traditions that they followed in their old families. The primary relationship in the home is the husband and wife. Each family consists of systems and a few are unstated rules, symbolic interaction, roles, homeostasis, exchange, and detouring. I find unstated rules the most interesting because people do not really recognize that they are really there. Rules are created by redundancy and repetition. I noticed rules in my home that I have never thought of before. My dad loves to get huge glasses of ice water and if I sneak a sip of it, he tells me that I have to refill the entire thing. So I try not to take some but if I do, I know there are consequences. Another rule is that if my family watches a movie together, my dad gets the recliner chair. If he is walking in the living room to sit down, us children have to jump of the chair really fast before he gets there. There are also three different family types that make up a community. There are  open families, random families, and closed families. I would say that my family is open because we are flexible, bound by love, and we have healthy interaction. We do not display a lack of love and we are not over involved in each other’s lives and that is why I feel we are open. The family systems even goes in depth with the order that children are born. Everything that happens within a family is significant and the Lord made it that every single person matters and contributes!