Conflict in Marriage

 Within marriage, there is always going to be conflict. Conflict means that two different people have different ideas or opinions but it does not mean that the people do not like each other. Conflict does not mean that people need to fight or argue. About 60% of Americans freeze when it comes to fighting and blood pressure actually goes down instead of up. When this happens, there is not much logical thinking going on. This also happens when blood pressure goes up and it is important to recognize when this is going on before escalation and flooding occurs. When people are fighting and they seem angry, it is usually because they are hiding real emotions like sadness or pain. Some also experience fear because they do not want to lose the love of the other person. It is important to remind your partner that you love them when arguing and then maybe take a break to cool down. In most cases, those who enjoy the highest level of success are those who accept their spouse and do not try to change them. Everybody hates criticism and it is important to realize that there is no such thing as constructive criticism. In the end, just always remind your spouse that you love them even if there is conflict and always ensure your love before you start talking about a touchy subject. When couples go through really tough times, they usually come out a lot stronger than when they were first married. When people get married they need to make sure that they are completely committed so when challenges come up, they can work through them.

Communication

Humans are social creatures and they have made a system of communication to interact. A great deal of people’s communication is not in the form of words. Most communication is expressed through non-verbal accent and tone or body language. Communication is 51% non-verbal, 35% tone, and 14% words. The reason that people do not always say what they are thinking is because it leaves that person vulnerable. It leaves them open for attack or prejudice and the American culture teaches individuals to suppress their feelings, especially men. It is important to be intentional with what people communicate because anything can be taken the wrong way. Individuals can communicate anything but they do not have to communicate everything. People usually choose their own battles and what to express. Communication can be an important aspect of marriage. Most conflict in marriage is caused by miscommunication rather than true feelings about one another. It is important not to assume everything the other person is feeling because most of the time it that person would be wrong. In marriage there should not be any hidden agendas and the best action is to openly communicate and state what you are truly feeling.

Depression

Depression is a complex issue and it is something that affects so many people all the time. Much of depression has to do with the train of thought because the brain believes everything that the person tells it to believe. People depress themselves by telling them bad things and it becomes a habit. Since it is a habit, it is something that can be changed! Most of the thoughts that make people miserable, terrible, or bad are usually the most untrue. For example, some people believe that nobody around them likes them when in fact, everyone likes them. When people are depressed and others tell them truths that they care or they are liked, they might not believe it because they only believe what is already in their mind. If someone feels awful, they often find ways to prove that there is something wrong with them. Anxiety is usually connected with depression. Anxiety is when someone feels that there is something awful and they have to fix it. Depression is when some feels that they can’t fix that problem. To fix the problem, people just have to change their bad thoughts and replace with true and good thoughts. It is important to make it a habit of thinking good thoughts and after a while, the person will notice a change and become a lot happier. I know there are many factors that play into depression and it will take time to overcome a challenge like that but it is possible. Some people don’t understand why they are depressed and that is because evil is never makes sense. Satan is evil and he plays a part and helps to see all of the negatives about ourselves. It is important to remember that each individual is a miracle from God and that we have the potential to be good and to be happy. If people look at their challenges with a sense of humor, that can help a great deal. If the Lord is involved in our lives and we try really hard to change our thoughts and our hearts, people can be helped beyond belief.

Infidelity Within Marriage

“The grass is greener on the side of the fence you water”. A good marriage is something that is worked for and spouses show fidelity by loving each other with all of their heart, might, mind, and strength. The spouse is the only other being that we are commanded to love as much as we love God. It is important to acknowledge the fact that infidelity is prevalent in many marriages even if it is not recognized. There are four types of affairs and people need to always be on guard so they do not fall into these categories. The first affair is the fantasy affair. People let their thoughts unfaithfully imagine what life would be like with another person. This can occur when no other person is actually involved. The second affair is the visual/pornography affair. This is when a viewer usually acts out sexually with wandering eyes. The third affair is the romantic affair. This is when a person is emotionally involved with a specific person other than his or her spouse. This is often seen as an escape from every-day life. The fourth is the sexual affair which is when a person engages in sexual acts outside the bonds of marriage. Any affair will result in bad consequences. “Guilt and shame will eventually set in. People sneak, hide, lie, and cheat. Love begins to die. Bitterness, jealousy, anger, and hate begin to grow.” Some impacts and consequences are an emotional and spiritual harm and divorce. The spouse may feel nauseated, repulsed, depressed, undesirable, insecure, helpless, abandoned, anxious, and suicidal. Sexually transmitted diseases are also a risk. A way to prevent fidelity is to be on guard and be fiercely loyal. It is great to control thoughts and always put the spouse above anything else. 70% of couples where an affair occurred stayed together and there are five ways to repair after an affair. They are to rebuild trust, gain perspective, repentance and forgiveness, overcome addiction, and actively make the choice to stay together. It is easy to fall into the trap of fidelity and I am always going to be active to prevent any fidelity to occur in my life.

A New Child in the Family!

A couple’s marriage is not a continuous honeymoon. As couples go deeper into their marriage, satisfaction usually decreases about two weeks after they have their first child. That doesn’t mean that the individuals are unhappy but it just means that the individuals roles change and they are different than expected. When the first child is born, it is typical that the husband is left out and the grandma is becoming more involved in the mother’s and child’s life. The wife tends to migrate towards her mother because she is more experienced. This can create a split between the spouses and on top of extended family, there is usually less physical intimacy, less time together, and the topic of discussion is usually just about the child. When the home becomes an empty nest, the spouses still want to be in love and know that they are having a great marriage still. A great way to ensure this is have the dad become more involved in the pregnancy and share every moment of prenatal care. The mother should share moments of the child kicking with her husband. Naturally pregnant women will migrate towards other private women. The Lord wants us to overcome the natural man so people need to make this happen and make sure they act on intelligence rather than urges. It is sad because some men feel like they were just sperm donors. The man can help build the nursery, help to talk about things  beside the child, read child development books with the wife, men can learn how to be home-keepers, continue to have date nights, join in hobbies together, and establish family habits before the baby actually comes. The birth of a child should mainly between creating this new family and not necessarily involving all the relatives. They are important but the husband and wife are creating this new family unit between the two of them and it is a special moment for them. Spouses should become stronger with this new child because they should decide together what the needs are and decide together how it will get done. The spouses should help each other out with all tasks. Some women aren’t capable to have children so I think it is important to appreciate everything you have. There will be sacred moments with children and it is important to remember that God loves these children way beyond our own capability. We have the chance to work together and raise God’s children on this earth.